Want to have some laughs at work ? As in : “Hahaha, remember when we got breached Bob ? You should’ve seen the look on our boss’ face!” Want to learn how to get “Pwned” quickly ? You’ve come to the right address, because Cyberforce.be is offering you some piping hot tips on how to invite hackers into your place of work quickly and efficiently. Better have some bitcoins at the ready to pay the hefty ransom when you -inevitably- are going to find out all your files have been encrypted.
1. Patching is for Pussies
If you’re a Windows user, you have come to dread it. Every second Tuesday of the month it’s “That Time Of The Month”, when your computer starts spewing annoying messages at you that keep you from being productive. “200 updates are available , do you want to install them now?” and even if you do that, it keeps yapping away at you, urging you to reboot. You know, this is just a form of advertising by Microsoft, trying to keep you as a customer by pretending to be helpful. Don’t fall into this trap. Your Operating System is completely safe, don’t let them tell you otherwise. So, turn all kinds of system updates off in the Settings menu. No more interruptions.
2. Backups are Overrated
Really, everybody talks about backups but they are like insurance policies. You end up paying a lot of money on them but nothing ever happens. When is the last time that you needed to get something from a backup ? Might as well quickly retype the thing. Don’t waste energy worrying about what might go wrong. Backup software makers just try to frighten you in order to sell their product.
3. Paying For Software Is So 2005
Why pay for software when you can go on some Bittorrent-site and just download the thing. You don’t even need a product key any more because there’s this nice and handy key generator that is included with the download. It’s magical ! It’s weird nobody knows about this. Now you can run your business on the cheap. You’ll push some money towards those software developers once you’re profitable. Right now, thanks a lot Pirate Bay !
4. The Internet Is A Magical Land Where Everything Is Possible and We’re All Friends
It’s strange how you find anything online if you look hard enough. You can go on a magical journey full of wonder and visit strange lands and websites, where you occasionally have to click away some annoying pop-up windows or software that wants to help you to fix your computer. But you can find free books and movies and even the “Love of Your Life” is just a click away. You don’t need to join any volunteering organisations, you can help people with problems right here on the internet. You can help out a Nigerian Prince securing his money and really mean something in the world.
5. Keep Passwords Simple
Also, be sure to use the same password on all websites you visit. Time spent memorizing passwords could be spent on chatting with Svetlana, your new and extremely hot fiancée from Belarus.
6. Oooh, a USB Key. Shiny !
Say you’re walking into work and you spot a USB key on the ground, then this might be your lucky day. Perhaps next week’s winning lottery numbers are on there. Better make sure.
Ooh, look at that. An Excel file labeled “Employee Salary Overview 2016”. You shouldn’t but what’s the harm ?
7. PDFs are safe
When you get regular mail, which are the letters we really can’t wait to open? Right, those with invoices inside them. So it’s very human to just click on those as quickly as possible. Especially when it’s a PDF file because did you know that the P in PDF stands for “Professional”. If it’s a PDF it’s guaranteed legit.
Look, there’s been a lot in the news lately about hackers and stuff, but that’s just fearmongering in order to sell you security solutions. But every company out there has a firewall that screens everything. So if a mail gets through the firewall , it’s guaranteed completely safe !
With these tips you are destined to make some new internet friends really soon. If your boss has any sense, you won’t work one day longer at the company. If the company still exists after the little stunt you pulled. Keep up the good work.
If you got halfway through this article without realizing we were hoping you to do the opposite. You might be in need of help.
Be sure to check us out at http://www.cyberforce.be and follow us on Twitter and Facebook for other articles and tips and tricks. And we are of course a professional company focusing on IT security scans and Digital Forensics investigations.